I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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