I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
