i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
