Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
