Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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