Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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