I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
