she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
