she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
