I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
