Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
