I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
