I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fuck appropriateness.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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