Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
