loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
