My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
