why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
