they need to just BURY HIM!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
