your parents love me but you hate me
i think my tv is drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
