What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
