Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize