would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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