So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
