It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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