so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's shark week go big or go home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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