I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
