i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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