Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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