You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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