Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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