I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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