I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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