I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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