You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
