I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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