Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
