so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
