What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
