i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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