You smell like stripper and shame
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
