Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
