Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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