woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We need to feng shui this bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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