you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
