I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
