Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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