i think my mom watched the whole time
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
