My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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