12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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