Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
