i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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