Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
