She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
