Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
