we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
