i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
