I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
