you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize