I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
