So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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