I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
