just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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