My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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