It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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