id be glad to
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
