i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
