Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
