You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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